How To Avoid Carer Burnout (Without Dropping Care)

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⏰ IN A RUSH?

Today’s 30-Second Summary

If you don’t have time to read the whole email today, here are some key takeaways:

• Life may put us in a caregiving role; sometimes we expected and welcomed it; sometimes not so much. Either way, carers also have needs.

  • A happy and willing carer will be a much better carer than an unhappy and unwilling one.

  • Even the happiest and most willing carer may need additional help and support.

• We can improve our own caregiving capabilities—and still have our limits.

• If you do not schedule time to rest, your body will shut down and oblige you to rest.

  • This goes for rest from mental effort too; your brain is just another organ, and a resource-intensive one at that.

• Maintaining as much independence as reasonably possible is generally good, whatever someone’s level of care needs. Sometimes this can be a balancing act, but it’s important to at least keep in mind as something that can and should be enabled and empowered when possible.

• Disability can be (and usually is) isolating. Tackling that head-on and up-front, to whatever extent possible, makes a big difference to quality of life.

• Tired of feeling tired? Today’s sponsor, Verb Energy, are offering a 30% discount on their high protein, low sugar, organic green tea caffeine snack bars that were already at a very good price!

Read on to learn about these things and more…

👀 WATCH AND LEARN

The friendship recession | Dr. Richard Reeves

Loneliness kills. But what can we do about it? Dr. Reeves has insights:

Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

Friendly menu:

• 0:00 | A friendship recession

• 1:20 | 4 friendship formations

• 1:54 | How many friends do people need?

• 2:21 | The ideal relationship

• 3:03 | Why are we losing friends?

• 4:20 | Friendship & your health

• 5:07 | Male friendships

• 5:43 | Female friendships

• 6:27 | The dystopia we must avoid

• 7:20 | The hardest thing to admit

Prefer text? Click here to read the transcript!

🛟 MAIN FEATURE

How To Avoid Carer Burnout

Sometimes in life we find ourselves in a caregiving role.

Maybe we chose it. For example, by becoming a professional carer, or even just by being a parent.

Oftentimes we didn’t. Sometimes because our own parents now need care from us, or because a partner becomes disabled.

First: are you the right person?

Sometimes, a caregiving role might fall upon you unasked-for, and it’s worth considering whether you are really up for it. Are you in a position to be that caregiver? Do you want to be that caregiver?

It may be that you do, and would actively fight off anyone or anything that tried to stop you. If so, great, now you only need to make sure that you are actually in a position to provide the care in question.

It may be that you do want to, but your circumstances don’t allow you to do as good a job of it as you’d like, or it means you have to drop other responsibilities, or you need extra help. We’ll cover these things later.

It may be that you don’t want to, but you feel obliged, or “have to”. If that’s the case, it will be better for everyone if you acknowledge that, and find someone else to do it. Nobody wants to feel a burden, and nobody wants someone providing care to be resentful of that. The result of such is two people being miserable; that’s not good for anyone. Better to give the job to someone who actually wants to (a professional, if necessary).

So, be honest (first with yourself, then with whoever may be necessary) about your own preferences and situation, and take steps to ensure you’re only in a caregiving role that you have the means and the will to provide.

Second: are you out of your depth?

Some people have had a life that’s prepared them for being a carer. Maybe they worked in the caring profession, maybe they have always been the family caregiver for one reason or another.

Yet, even if that describes you… Sometimes someone’s care needs may be beyond your abilities. After all, not all care needs are equal, and someone’s condition can (and more often than not, will) deteriorate.

So, learn. Learn about the person’s condition(s), medications, medical equipment, etc. If you can, take courses and such. The more you invest in your own development in this regard, the more easily you will handle the care, and the less it will take out of you.

And, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Maybe the person knows their condition better than you, and certainly there’s a good chance they know their care needs best. And certainly, there are always professionals that can be contacted to ask for advice.

Sometimes, a team effort may be required, and there’s no shame in that either. Whether it means enlisting help from family/friends or professionals, sometimes “many hands make light work”.

Check out: Caregiver Action Network: Organizations Near Me

👆 A very good resource-hub for help, advice, & community👆

Third: put your own oxygen mask on first

Like the advice to put on one’s own oxygen mask first before helping others (in the event of a cabin depressurization in an airplane), the rationale is the same here. You can’t help others if you are running on empty yourself.

As a carer, sometimes you may have to put someone else’s needs above yours, both in general and in the moment. But, you do have needs too, and cannot neglect them (for long).

One sleepless night looking after someone else is… a small sacrifice for a loved one, perhaps. But several in a row starts to become unsustainable.

Sometimes it will be necessary to do the best you can, and accept that you cannot do everything all the time.

There’s a saying amongst engineers that applies here too: “if you don’t schedule time for maintenance, your equipment will schedule it for you”.

In other words: if you don’t give your body rest, your body will break down and oblige you to rest. Please be aware this goes for mental effort too; your brain is just another organ.

So, plan ahead, schedule breaks, find someone to take over, set up your cared-for-person with the resources to care for themself as well as possible (do this anyway, of course—independence is generally good so far as it’s possible), and make the time/effort to get you what you need for you. Sleep, distraction, a change of scenery, whatever it may be.

Lastly: what if it’s you?

If you’re reading this and you’re the person who has the higher care needs, then firstly: all strength to you. You have the hardest job here; let’s not forget that.

About that independence: well-intentioned people may forget that, so don’t be afraid to remind them when “I would prefer to do that myself”. Maintaining independence is generally good for the health, even if sometimes it is more work for all concerned than someone else doing it for you. The goal, after all, is your wellbeing, so this shouldn’t be cast aside lightly.

On the flipside: you don’t have to be strong all the time; nobody should.

Being disabled can also be quite isolating (this is probably not a revelation to you), so if you can find community with other people with the same or similar condition(s), even if it’s just online, that can go a very, very long way to making things easier. Both practically, in terms of sharing tips, and psychologically, in terms of just not feeling alone.

See also: How To Beat Loneliness & Isolation

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🌏 AROUND THE WEB

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• You can save a cardiac arrest victim's life even if an ambulance arrives in two minutes, research suggests

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• Most US nursing homes are understaffed, potentially compromising care for more than a million elderly residents

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More to come tomorrow!

📖 ONE-MINUTE BOOK REVIEW

Brave: 50 Everyday Acts of Courage to Thrive in Work, Love, and Life – by Dr. Margie Warrell

Whether it's the courage to jump out of a plane or the courage to have a difficult conversation, bravery is an important quality that we often don't go far out of our way to grow. At least, not as adults.

Rather than viewing bravery as a static attribute—you either have it or you don't—psychologist Dr. Margie Warrell makes the case for its potential for lifelong development.

The book is divided into five sections:

1. Live purposefully

2. Speak bravely

3. Work passionately

4. Dig deep

5. Dare boldly

…and each has approximately 10 chapters, each a few pages long, the kind that can easily make this a "chapter-a-day" daily reader.

As a quick clarification: that "speak bravely" section isn't about public speaking, but is rather about speaking up when it counts. Life is too short for regrets, and our interactions with others tend to be what matters most in the long-run. It makes a huge difference to our life!

Dr. Warrell gives us tools to reframe our challenges and tackle them. Rather than just saying "Feel the fear and do it anyway", she also delivers the how, in all aspects. This is one of the main values the book brings, as well as a sometimes-needed reminder of how and why being brave is something to which we should always aspire... and hold.

Bottom line: if you'd like to be more brave—in any context—this book can help. We only get one life; might as well live it.

Click here to check out Brave and give your life a boost!

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday,

The 10almonds Team