Body Language (In The Real World)

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In A Rush?

Today’s 30-Second Summary

If you don’t have time to read the whole email today, here are some key takeaways:

• The body says what? The reading of body-language is not quite the refined black-and-white thing that many “body language experts” would like us to believe it is.

  • Today’s main feature looks at some of the myths, some of the actual science, and how we can do better

  • Hint: it’s usually pretty unique to individuals, so varied as to be often useless with strangers, and the best way to know is (spoiler) to ask them

• Doesn’t it feel a bit brutal sometimes when the dentist is scraping off plaque?

  • Today’s sponsor, LIVFRESH, have developed a gel that safely dissolves plaque without harming the teeth or gums (this is such an impressive breakthrough that we included a link to the actual science in the sponsor section; check it out!)

• Our recipe section is back!

  • Scroll to the bottom to dive into tiramisu flavors with a healthy twist

Read on to learn more about these things, or click here to visit our archive

A Word To The Wise

Watch and Learn

What Your Hands Can Tell You About Your Health

Dr. Siobhan Deshauer shows quick and simple tests (that you can do at home) pertaining to arachnodactyly, Ehlers-Danlos, diabetes, carpal tunnel syndrome, Raynaud phenomenon, and more:

Prefer text? The above video will take you to a 10almonds page with a text-overview, as well as the video!

Psychology Sunday

Forget What You Think You Know About Body Language

…unless it’s about a specific person whose habits and mannerisms you know intimately, in which case, you probably have enough personal data stored up to actually recognize patterns à la “when my spouse does this, then…”, and probably do know what’s going on.

For everyone else… our body language can be as unique as our idiolect

What’s an idiolect? It’s any one given person’s way of speaking/writing, in their natural state (i.e. without having to adjust their style for some reason, for example in a public-facing role at work, where style often becomes much narrower and more consciously-chosen).

Extreme example first

To give an extreme example of how non-verbal communication can be very different than a person thinks, there’s an anecdote floating around the web of someone whose non-verbal autistic kid would, when he liked someone who was visiting the house, hide their shoes when they were about to leave, to cause them to stay longer. Then one day some relative visited and when she suggested that she “should be going sometime soon”, he hurried to bring her her shoes. She left, happy that the kid liked her (he did not).

The above misunderstanding happened because the visitor had the previous life experience of “a person who brings me things is being helpful, and if they do it of their own free will, it’s because they like me”.

In other words…

Generations are often sound… In general

…which does not help us when dealing with individuals, which as it turns out, everyone is.

Clenched fists = tense and angry… Except when it’s just what’s comfortable for someone, or they have circulation issues, or this, or that, or the other.

Pacing = agitated… Except when it’s just someone who finds the body in motion more comfortable

Relaxed arms and hands = at ease and unthreatening… Unless it’s a practitioner of various martial arts for whom that is their default ready-for-action state.

Folded arms = closed-off, cold, distant… Or it was just somewhere to put one’s hands.

Lack of eye contact = deceitful, hiding something… Unless it’s actually for any one of a wide number of reasons, which brings us to our next section:

A liar’s “tells”

Again, if you know someone intimately and know what signs are associated with deceit in them, then great, that’s a thing you know. But for people in general…

A lot of what is repeated about “how to know if someone is lying” has seeped into public consciousness from “what police use to justify their belief that someone is lying”.

This is why many of the traditional “this person is lying” signs are based around behaviors that show up when in fact “this person is afraid, under pressure, and talking to an authority figure who has the power to ruin their life”:

Research on Non-verbal Signs of Lies and Deceit: A Blind Alley

But what about eye-accessing cues? They have science to them, right?

For any unfamiliar: this is about the theory that when we are accessing different parts of our mind (such as memory or creativity, thus truthfulness or lying), our eyes move one way or another according to what faculty we’re accessing.

Does it work? No

But, if you carefully calibrate it for a specific person, such as by asking them questions along the lines of “describe your front door” or “describe your ideal holiday”, to see which ways they look for recall or creativity… Then also no:

The Eyes Don’t Have It: Lie Detection and Neuro-Linguistic Programming

How can we know what non-verbal communication means, then?

With strangers? We can’t, simply. It’s on us to be open-minded, with a healthy balance of optimism and wariness.

With people we know? We can build up a picture over time, learn the person’s patterns. Best of all, we can ask them. In the moment, and in general.

For more on optimizing interpersonal communication, check out:

Save Time With Better Communication

…and the flipside of that:

The Problem With Active Listening (And How To Do It Better)

Take care!

Our Sponsors Make This Publication Possible

Dissolve plaque, without harming teeth/gums

It’s very good against stains, too, by the way! But the safe gentle plaque-dissolving is more important, and…

LIVFRESH make some bold claims:

• ❝We have made the first breakthrough in the dental industry since 1914.❞

• ❝LIVFRESH performs 250% better at removing plaque than a market leader❞

The first claim is about using molecular nanotechnology instead of abrasion, to remove plaque. The claim is worded a little strongly, but it genuinely is a major breakthrough.

The second claim... We love randomized clinical trials! So we looked it up, and found it:

Effects of a Dental Gel Over 6 Months on Periodontal Health in Subjects with Stage II and III (Mild and Moderate) Periodontitis

Now, the sample size was small (33), but the results were overwhelmingly positive. And the test group had a worse gingival index than control, before starting—and much better afterwards:

In other words, the competition was stacked against the product, and it still won clear. With this in mind, we're very happy to recommend LIVFRESH's edathamil*-based dental gel!

*That's their patented formula that breaks down plaque on a molecular level, without damaging teeth.

It comes in multiple flavors, so you get two links today:

Peppermint Dental Gel | Wintergreen Dental Gel

If you're unsure which to go for, we recommend the peppermint, as it has fewer ingredients, and is a true gel rather than a foaming gel.

Please do visit our sponsors—they help keep 10almonds free

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This Or That?

Vote on Which is Healthier

Yesterday we asked you to choose between a bath and a shower—we picked the shower (click here to read about why), as did 69% of you!

Now for today’s choice:

Click on whichever you think is better for you!

Recipes Worth Sharing

Tiramisu Crunch Bites (with no added sugar)

The 10almonds recipe section is back, by popular demand!

Todays’s recipe focuses on the well-loved flavors of tiramisu, but—in true 10almonds’ style—with a simple, healthy twist.

These coffee-infused, delectable, creamy, nutty and chocolatey stuffed dates are deceptively easy-to-make, and perfect for hosting guests or simply a delightful snack.

Click below for the full recipe and treat yourself to this indulgence!

You (Also) May Have Missed

• Your Health Audit, From Head To Toe

• Reading At Night: Good Or Bad For Sleep?

• What Most People Don’t Know About HIV

One-Minute Book Review

Stop Checking Your Likes: Shake Off the Need for Approval and Live an Incredible Life – by Susie Moore

You might think this one’s advice is summed up sufficiently by the title, that there’s no need for a book! But…

There’s a lot more to this than “stop comparing the worst out-takes of your life to someone else’s highlight reel”, and there’s a lot more to this than “just unplug”.

Instead, Susie Moore discusses the serious underlying real emotional considerations of the need for approval (and even just acceptance) by our community, as well the fear of missing out.

It’s not just about how social media is designed to hijack various parts of our brain, or how The Alogorithm™ is out to personally drag your soul through Hell for a few more clicks; it’s also about the human element that would exist even without that. Who remembers MySpace? No algorithm in those days, but oh the drama potential for those “top 8 friends” places. And if you think that kind of problem is just for young people 20 years ago, you have mercifully missed the drama that older generations can get into on Facebook.

Along with the litany of evil, though, Moore also gives practical advice on how to overcome those things, how to “see the world through comedy-colored glasses”, how to ask “what’s missing, really?”, and how to make your social media experience work for you, rather than it merely using you as fuel. ← ^{_{link is to our own related article!}}

Bottom line: if social media sucks a lot of your time, there may be more to it than just “social media sucks in general”, and there are ways to meet your emotional needs without playing by corporations’ rules to do so.

Click here to check out Stop Checking Your Likes, and breathe easy!

Penny For Your Thoughts?

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday,

The 10almonds Team