The Art of Being Unflappable (Tricks For Daily Life)

Today’s almonds have been activated by:

⏰ IN A RUSH?

Today’s 30-Second Summary

If you don’t have time to read the whole email today, here are some key takeaways:

• It's easy to get sucked into meaningless activity when our brain's dopamine reserves are depleted and we need a boost.

  • Today's video explains how to avoid that by giving your brain what it really needs, instead!

• Cognitive distortions, in psychology, are much like rhetorical fallacies in philosophy. Except, instead of being used to unravel conflict in the wider world, we can use them to unravel conflict inside our own minds.

  • If we learn about them and how to recognize them, we can catch them before they sabotage us, and remain “unflappable” in situations that could otherwise turn disastrous.

  • See today's main feature for some of the most common/impactful ones, and how to get past them!

• Frozen food sold at several major supermarket chains is being recalled due to listeria risk; check out our "around the web" section for information about that!

Read on to learn about these things and more…

👀 WATCH AND LEARN

How to Give Your Brain the Stimulation It Needs

The things we tend to do when we're bored often don't give our brains the level of stimulation they need. Here's how to make a dopa-menu full of things that do!

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🔎 MAIN FEATURE

The Art of Being Unflappable

From Stoicism to CBT, thinkers through the ages have sought the unflappable life.

Today, in true 10almonds fashion, we’re going to distil it down to some concentrated essentials that we can all apply in our daily lives:

Most Common/Impactful Cognitive Distortions To Catch (And Thus Avoid)

These are like the rhetorical fallacies with which you might be familiar (ad hominem, no true Scotsman, begging the question, tu quoque, straw man, etc), but are about what goes on between your own ears, pertaining to your own life.

If we learn about them and how to recognize them, however, we can catch them before they sabotage us, and remain “unflappable” in situations that could otherwise turn disastrous.

Let’s take a look at a few:

Catastrophizing / Crystal Ball

• Distortion: not just blowing something out of proportion, but taking an idea and running with it to its worst possible conclusion. For example, we cook one meal that’s a “miss” and conclude we are a terrible cook, and in fact for this reason a terrible housewife/mother/friend/etc, and for this reason everyone will probably abandon us and would be right to do so

• Reality: by tomorrow, you’ll probably be the only one who even remembers it happened

Mind Reading

• Distortion: attributing motivations that may or may not be there, and making assumptions about other people’s thoughts/feelings. An example is the joke about two partners’ diary entries; one is long and full of feelings about how the other is surely dissatisfied in their marriage, has been acting “off” with them all day, is closed and distant, probably wants to divorce, may be having an affair and is wondering which way to jump, and/or is just wondering how to break the news—the other partner’s diary entry is short, and reads “motorcycle won’t start; can’t figure out why”

• Reality: sometimes, asking open questions is better than guessing, and much better than assuming!

All-or-Nothing Thinking / Disqualifying the Positive / Magnifying the Negative

• Distortion: having a negative bias that not only finds a cloud in every silver lining, but stretches it out so that it’s all that we can see. In a relationship, this might mean that one argument makes us feel like our relationship is nothing but strife. In life in general, it may lead us to feel like we are “naturally unlucky”.

• Reality: those negative things wouldn’t even register as negative to us if there weren’t a commensurate positive we’ve experienced to hold them in contrast against. So, find and remember that positive too.

For brevity, we put a spotlight on (and in some cases, clumped together) the ones we think have the most bang-for-buck to know about, but there are many more.

So for the curious, here’s some further reading:

Psychology Today: 50 Common Cognitive Distortions

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🌍 AROUND THE WEB

What’s happening in the health world…

• Can These 7 Things Keep Mosquitoes Away From You? Here's What The Science Says

• Scientists Just Figured Out How This Deadly Superbug Hides Inside Us

• Some Babies Are Born With Tails, But Not For The Reason You Might Think

• Cognitive Biotype: A Novel Depression Subcategory Defying Conventional Treatments Identified

• Why Figuring Out if It's Anxiety, ADHD, or Both Matters

• Early Life Loss Impacting Immune System in Later Life

• Frozen Fruit Sold at Target, Trader Joe's, and Walmart Recalled Due to Listeria Risk

More to come tomorrow!

📖 ONE-MINUTE BOOK REVIEW

Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included)

As the subtitle says, "crystals, cleanses, and bubble baths not included". So, if it's not about that sort of self-care, what is it about?

Dr. Lakshmin starts by acknowledging something that many self-help books don't:

We can do everything correctly and still lose. Not only that, but for many of us, that is the probable outcome. Not because of any fault or weakness of ours, but simply because one way or another the game is rigged against us from the start.

So, should we throw in the towel, throw our hands in the air, and throw the book out of the window?

Nope! Dr. Lakshmin has actually helpful advice, that pertains to:

• creating healthy boundaries and challenging guilt

• treating oneself with compassion

• identifying and aligning oneself with one's personal values

• asserting one's personal power to fight for one's own self-interest

If you're reading this and thinking "that seems very selfish", then let's remember the "challenging guilt" part of that. We've all-too-often been conditioned to neglect our own needs and self-sacrifice for others.

And, while selfless service really does have its place, needlessly self-destructive martyrdom does not!

Bottom line: this book delivers a lot of "real talk" on a subject that otherwise often gets removed from reality rather. In short, it's a great primer for finding the right place to draw the line between being a good-hearted person and being a doormat.

Click here to check out Real Self-Care and "put your own oxygen mask on first"!

Wishing you a happy, healthy, and peaceful Sunday,

The 10almonds Team