How To Grow In Comfort

Today’s almonds have been activated by:

⏰ IN A RUSH?

Today’s 30-Second Summary

If you don’t have time to read the whole email today, here are some key takeaways:

• People think “you have to get out of your comfort zone” in order to grow, but how well does that idea stand up to scrutiny?

  • Per Csikszentmihalyi (1970), the psychological state of flow exists when a person is in a state of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment of an activity.

  • Per Butler (2023), we never achieve success faster and with less effort than when we are in our comfort zone.

  • If we want to find a state of flow (and we do), and that state of flow clearly cannot exist when we are in discomfort, how do we find it? Well, if it’s not outside of our comfort zone, it must be within it.

  • However, if we want growth to occur (and we do), we need to bring our comfort zone with us.

    • Today’s main feature looks at how to do that!

• Processed foods have less fiber, and food with the fiber stripped tends to have less taste too. Nuts are no different!

  • Today’s sponsor, Karma, are offering cashews like you (probably) haven’t had them before. An already delicious and nutritious snack, now scrumptiously seasoned (or plain!) but without their fiber being stripped.

Read on to learn about these things and more…

👀 WATCH AND LEARN

What Is Your Attachment Style?

Attachment theory refers to a set of ideas formulated by psychologists* in the 1960s that gives us an exceptionally useful guide to how we behave in relationships. Knowing whether we are securely attached, or various kinds of anxious or avoidant in our attachment patterns, gives us a vocabulary with which to get on top of some very tricky dynamics and grow into more predictable and more joyful companions in love:

Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

Prefer text? Click here to read the transcript!

*Principally Dr. Mary Ainsworth, and then Dr. John Bowlby took it and ran with it. He had more social prestige, and systemic misogyny is and always has been a thing, so his tends to be the “famous name” associated with it, but it was her idea and initial work. That said, they became friends and research partners, and without him lending his already-extant prestige, attachment theory may never have got the recognition it enjoys today.

🛋️ MAIN FEATURE

How To Grow (Without Leaving Your Comfort Zone)

“You have to get out of your comfort zone!” we are told, from cradle to grave.

When we are young, we are advised (or sometimes more forcefully instructed!) that we have to try new things. In our middle age, we are expected to be the world’s greatest go-getters, afraid of nothing and always pushing limits. And when we are old, people bid us “don’t be such a dinosaur”.

It is assumed, unquestioned, that growth can only occur through hardship and discomfort.

But what if that’s a discomforting lie?

Butler (2023) posited an idea: “We never achieve success faster and with less effort than when we are in our comfort zone"

Her words are an obvious callback to the ideas of Csikszentmihalyi (1970) in the sense of “flow”, in the sense in which that word is used in psychology.

Flow is: when a person is in a state of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment of an activity.

As a necessary truth (i.e: a function of syllogistic logic), the conditions of “in a state of flow” and “outside of one’s comfort zone” cannot overlap.

From there, we can further deduce (again by simple logic) that if flow can be found, and/but cannot be found outside of the comfort zone, then flow can only be found within the comfort zone.

That is indeed comforting, but what about growth?

Imagine you’ve never gone camping in your life, but you want to get outside of your comfort zone, and now’s the time to do it. So, you check out some maps of the Yukon, purchase some camping gear, and off you go into the wilderness. In the event that you survive to report it, you will indeed be able to say “it was not comfortable”.

But, did growth occur? Maybe, but… it’s a folly to say “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” as a reason to pursue such things. Firstly, there’s a high chance it may kill us. Secondly, what doesn’t kill us often leaves us incredibly weakened and vulnerable.

When Hannibal famously took his large army of mostly African mercenaries across the Alps during winter to march on Rome from the other side, he lost most of his men on the way, before proceeding to terrorize Northern Italy convincingly with the small remainder. But! Their hard experience hadn’t made them stronger; it had just removed the weaker soldiers, making the resultant formations harder to break.

All this to say, please do not inflict hardship and discomfort and danger in the hopes it’ll make you stronger; it will probably do the opposite.

But…

If, instead of wilderness trekking in the Yukon…

• You start off with a camper van holiday, then you’ll be taking a fair amount of your comfort with you. In effect, you will be stretching and expanding your comfort zone without leaving it.

• Then maybe another year you might try camping in a tent on a well-catered camping site.

• Later, you might try “roughing it” at a much less well-catered camping site.

• And so on.

Congratulations, you have tried new things and undergone growth, taking your comfort zone with you all the way!

This is more than just “easing yourself into” something

It really is about taking your comfort with you too. If you want to take up running, don’t ask “how can I run just a little bit first” or “how can I make it easier” (well, feel free to ask those things too, but) ask yourself: how can I bring my comfort with me? Comfortable shoes, perhaps, an ergonomic water bottle, shade for your head, maybe.

This goes for more than just physical stuff, too

If you want to learn a new skill, the initial learning curve can be anxiety-inducing, especially if you are taking a course and worried about keeping up or “not being good enough”.

So, “secretly” study in advance, at your leisure, get yourself a head start. Find a degree of comfort in what you’ve learned so far, and then bring that comfort with you into your entry-level course that is now less intimidating.

Discomfort isn’t a badge of honor (and impedes growth)

Take that extra rest stop on the highway. Bring your favorite coffee with you. Use that walking stick, if it helps.

Whatever it takes to bring your comfort with you, bring it.

Trust us, you’ll get further that way.

❤️ OUR SPONSORS MAKE THIS PUBLICATION POSSIBLE

You probably haven’t had cashews like this before

Processed foods have less fiber, and food with the fiber stripped tends to have less taste too. Cashews are no different! But these ones are.

Karma Nuts is home of the “wrapped” cashew, which retains its natural skin for 2x the fiber, antioxidant activity comparable to blueberries (a famously top-tier source of such), and an amazing taste and crunch!

Their range of 11 varieties (plain, plus assorted seasoning variations) are all air-roasted with no added oil. They’re also gluten-free, vegan, kosher, and Non-GMO Project Verified, making them the perfect healthy snack for every occasion*

*this writer would like to humbly suggest they make a great appetizer snack to enjoy while cooking, which also means pre-loading with fiber, which is great for blood sugar health, and protein, which starts the feeling-of-fullness clock ticking and helps avoid overeating at dinner.

Please do visit our sponsors—they help keep 10almonds free

🌏 AROUND THE WEB

What’s happening in the health world…

• Scotland should pilot drug consumption rooms, say MPs

• Running shoes with heels higher than "zero drop" can increase risk of injury

• Researchers find male and female immune systems get trained differently in response to infections

• New study questions one-size-fits-all dietary guidelines for heart health

• Study: brain fog after COVID linked to blood clots

• Burning candles and fumes from cooking found to be harmful for people with mild asthma

• Nutritionists examine Starbucks' seasonal drinks, and how to make them healthier

More to come tomorrow!

📖 ONE-MINUTE BOOK REVIEW

What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing - by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey

The very title "What Happened To You?" starts with an assumption that the reader has suffered trauma. This is not just a sample bias of "a person who picks up a book about healing from trauma has probably suffered trauma", but is also a statistically safe assumption. Around 60% of adults report having suffered some kind of serious trauma.

The authors examine, as the subtitle suggests, these matters in three parts:

1. Trauma

2. Resilience

3. Healing

Trauma can take many forms; sometimes it is a very obvious dramatic traumatic event; sometimes less so. Sometimes it can be a mountain of small things that eroded our strength leaving us broken. But what then, of resilience?

Resilience (in psychology, anyway) is not imperviousness; it is the ability to suffer and recover from things.

Healing is the tail-end part of that. When we have undergone trauma, displayed whatever amount of resilience we could at the time, and now have outgrown our coping strategies and looking to genuinely heal.

The authors present many personal stories and case studies to illustrate different kinds of trauma and resilience, and then go on to outline what we can do to grow from there.

Bottom line: if you or a loved one has suffered trauma, this book may help a lot in understanding and processing that, and finding a way forwards from it.

Click here to check out "What Happened To You?" and give yourself what you deserve.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday,

The 10almonds Team