- 10almonds
- Posts
- Healthy Relationship, Healthy Life
Healthy Relationship, Healthy Life
Plus: the seven key biological systems to forestall aging
The 10almonds Team
May 14, 2023
Today’s almonds have been activated by:
Loading Screen Tip: Smile! When you’re happy, smile. When you’re not, smile.
Not only does it genuinely trigger the release of assorted “happy chemicals” in the moment, but more importantly… as a habit, it helps to hardwire your brain for happiness and relaxation in the long-term.
⏰ IN A RUSH?
Today’s 30-Second Summary
If you don’t have time to read the whole email today, here are some key takeaways:
A good relationship is part of the key to a good (and long, healthy) life. Important parts of fostering that good relationship include:
Bids for connection—and responsiveness to same
Keep asking the important questions
Express gratitude/appreciation
Compliment often and sincerely
Express your needs, and ask about theirs
Touch, often
Have regular date nights
Fitt Insider is what it sounds like—an insider news source for the world of fitness. It’s free, and we recommend it!
Biological aging consists of cumulative damage to seven key systems in our body. If we look after each of those systems carefully, we can keep ourselves in good health for a lot longer! (See today’s book of the day for details)
Read on to learn about these things and more…
👀 WATCH AND LEARN
Why Do We Forget?
How does memory work? And how does… un-memory work? Our brain does a lot of remembering and forgetting every day, so it pays to understand how it works. You’ll also get to meet some people who can’t make memories, and also never forget anything:
Key ideas:
🥰 MAIN FEATURE
Only One Kind Of Relationship Promotes Longevity This Much!
One of the well-established keys of a long healthy life is being in a fulfilling relationship. That’s not to say that one can’t be single and happy and fulfilled—one totally can. But statistically, those who live longest, do so in happy, fulfilling, committed relationships.
Note: happy, fulfilling, committed relationships. Less than that won’t do. Your insurance company might care about your marital status for its own sake, but your actual health doesn’t—it’s about the emotional safety and security that a good, healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship offers.
How to keep the “love coals” warm
When “new relationship energy” subsides and we’ve made our way hand-in-hand through the “honeymoon period”, what next? For many, a life of routine. And that’s not intrinsically bad—routine itself can be comforting! But for love to work, according to relational psychologists, it also needs something a little more.
What things? Let’s break it down…
Bids for connection—and responsiveness to same
There’s an oft-quoted story about a person who knew their marriage was over when their spouse wouldn’t come look at their tomatoes. That may seem overblown, but…
When we care about someone, we want to share our life with them. Not just in the sense of cohabitation and taxes, but in the sense of:
Little moments of joy
Things we learned
Things we saw
Things we did
…and there’s someone we’re first to go to share these things with. And when we do, that’s a “bid for connection”. It’s important that we:
Make bids for connection frequently
Respond appropriately to our partner’s bids for connection
Of course, we cannot always give everything our full attention. But whenever we can, we should show as much genuine interest as we can.
Keep asking the important questions
Not just “what shall we have for dinner?”, but:
“What’s a life dream that you have at the moment?”
“What are the most important things in life?”
“What would you regret not doing, if you never got the chance?”
…and so forth. Even after many years with a partner, the answers can sometimes surprise us. Not because we don’t know our partners, but because the answers can change with time, and sometimes we can even surprise ourselves, if it’s a question we haven’t considered for a while.
It’s good to learn and grow like this together—and to keep doing so!
Express gratitude/appreciation
For the little things as well as the big:
Thank you for staying by my side during life’s storms
Thank you for bringing me a coffee
Thank you for taking on these responsibilities with me
I really appreciate your DIY skills
I really appreciate your understanding nature
On which note…
Compliment, often and sincerely
Most importantly, compliment things intrinsic to their character, not just peripheral attributes like appearance, and also not just what they do for you.
You’re such a patient person; I really admire that
I really hit the jackpot to get someone I can trust so completely as you
You are the kindest and sweetest soul I have ever encountered in life
I love that you have such a blend of strength and compassion
Your unwavering dedication to your personal values makes me so proud
…whatever goes for your partner and how you see them and what you love about them!
Express your needs, and ask about theirs
We’re none of us mind-readers, and it’s easy to languish in “if they really cared, I wouldn’t have to ask”, or conversely, “if they wanted something, they would surely say so”.
Communicate. Effectively. Life is too short to waste in miscommunication and unsaid things!
We covered much more detailed how-tos of this in a previous issue, but good double-whammy of top tier communication is:
“I need…” / “Please will you…”
“What do you need?” / “How can I help?”
Touch. Often.
It takes about 20 seconds of sustained contact for oxytocin to take effect, so remember that when you hug your partner, hold hands when walking, or cuddle up the sofa.
Have regular date nights
It doesn’t have to be fancy. A date night can be cooking together, it can be watching a movie together at home. It can be having a scheduled time to each bring a “big question” or five, from what we talked about above!
Most importantly: it’s a planned shared experience where the intent is to enjoy each other’s romantic company, and have a focus on each other. Having a regularly recurring date night, be it the last day of each month, or every second Saturday, or every Friday night, whatever your schedules allow, makes such a big difference to feel you are indeed “dating” and in the full flushes of love—not merely cohabiting pleasantly.
Want ideas?
Check out these:
❤️ OUR SPONSORS MAKE THIS PUBLICATION POSSIBLE
Fitt Insider: Definitely One To Add To Your Reading List!
Fitt Insider is what it sounds like—an insider news source for the world of fitness.
Do you ever learn of a new health kick, and wish dearly you’d known about it sooner? Fitt Insider’s newsletter really specializes in delivering that—getting cutting edge health and fitness news out to its subscribers.
While we certainly do some of that at 10almonds too, for them, it’s their whole thing, and if you enjoy that aspect of our newsletter, we know you’ll love theirs too!
It’s a free newsletter presenting (in a clear and simple fashion) industry trends, news, tech, startups, and more. From wearables to health optimization to the latest updates from companies like WHOOP and Strava, Fitt Insider is a great source for getting the most up-to-date fitness and wellness news.
Click Here To See Fitt Insider’s Latest Issue! ← you can also choose to subscribe there if you like; again; it’s free!
🌍 AROUND THE WEB
What’s happening in the health world…
More to come tomorrow!
📖 ONE-MINUTE BOOK REVIEW
Young Forever: The Secrets To Living Your Longest, Healthiest Life - by Dr. Mark Hyman
A lot of work on the topic of aging looks at dealing with symptoms of aging, rather than the causes. And, that's worthy too! Those symptoms often do need addressing. But this book is about treating the causes.
Dr. Hyman outlines:
How and why we age
The root causes of aging
The ten hallmarks of aging
From there, we go on to learn about the foundations of longevity, and balancing our seven core biological systems:
Nutrition, digestion, and the microbiome
Immune and inflammatory system
Cellular energy
Biotransformation and elimination/detoxification*
Hormones, neurotransmitters, and other signalling molecules
Circulation and lymphatic flow
Structural health, from muscle and bones to cells and tissues
*This isn't about celery juice fasts and the like; this talking about the work your kidneys, liver, and other organs do
The book goes on to detail how, precisely, with practical actionable advices, to optimize and take care of each of those systems.
All in all: if you want a great foundational understanding of aging and how to slow it to increase your healthy lifespan, this is a very respectable option.
What did you think of today's newsletter?Sorry to bother you. But the feedback really helps us. |
Wishing you health and happiness now and always,
The 10almonds Team