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Imposter Syndrome (and why almost everyone has it)
Plus: how to be happier with zero weird tricks
The 10almonds Team
July 09, 2023
Today’s almonds have been activated by:
Loading Screen Tip: some days, you just have to create your own sunshine
⏰ IN A RUSH?
Today’s 30-Second Summary
If you don’t have time to read the whole email today, here are some key takeaways:
Imposter syndrome is commonly associated with professionals in the workplace, but in reality it can (and usually does) extend to many other areas of life too
Different demographics are affected by imposter syndrome differently, but none of us are proofed against it by our position in society—quite the contrary
Today’s main feature looks at imposter syndrome feelings vs facts, and how to manage this!
Looking after our brain is important all the way through our life, but never more so than as we get older
Today’s sponsor, Mindhoney, has potent all-natural nootropics to give your brain a boost of the things it needs to keep it in top health.
Knee replacement is a surgery with a relatively high regret rate, but bilateral total knee arthroplasty (in other words: two replacement knees, one on each side) has even more complications
(see our “What’s happening in the health world” section for more on that)
Substance abuse is climbing among seniors, and medical infrastructure isn’t well-prepared for it.
Today’s featured book of the day may provide insight and perspective, though!
Read on to learn about these things and more…
👀 WATCH AND LEARN
How to be happier in 5 steps with zero weird tricks | Laurie Santos
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Prefer text? Click here to read the transcript!
🕵️ MAIN FEATURE
Imposter Syndrome (and why almost everyone has it)
Imposter syndrome is the pervasive idea that we’re not actually good enough, people think we are better than we are, and at any moment we’re going to get found out and disappoint everyone.
Beyond the workplace
Imposter syndrome is most associated with professionals. It can range from a medical professional who feels like they’ve been projecting an image of confidence too much, to a writer or musician who is sure that their next piece will never live up to the acclaim of previous pieces and everyone will suddenly realize they don’t know what they’re doing, to a middle-manager who feels like nobody above or below them realizes how little they know how to do.
But! Less talked-about (but no less prevalent) is imposter syndrome in other areas of life. New parents tend to feel this strongly, as can the “elders” of a family that everyone looks to for advice and strength and support. Perhaps worst is when the person most responsible for the finances of a household feels like everyone just trusts them to keep everything running smoothly, and maybe they shouldn’t because it could all come crashing down at any moment and everyone will see them for the hopeless shambles of a human being that they really are.
Feelings are not facts
And yet (while everyone makes mistakes sometimes) the reality is that we’re all doing our best. Given that imposter syndrome affects up to 82% of people, let’s remember to have some perspective. Everyone feels like they’re winging it sometimes. Everyone feels the pressure.
Well, perhaps not everyone. There’s that other 18%. Some people are sure they’re the best thing ever. Then again, there’s probably some in that 18% that actually feel worse than the 82%—they just couldn’t admit it, even in an anonymized study.
But one thing’s for sure: it’s very, very common. Especially in high-performing women, by the way, and people of color. In other words, people who typically “have to do twice as much to get recognized as half as good”.
That said, the flipside of this is that people who are not in any of those categories may feel “everything is in my favor, so I really have no excuse to not achieve the most”, and can sometimes take very extreme actions to try to avoid perceived failure, and it can be their family that pays the price.
Things to remember
If you find imposter syndrome nagging at you, remember these things:
There are people far less competent than you, doing the same thing
Nobody knows how to do everything themselves, especially at first
If you don’t know how to do something, you can usually find out
There is always someone to ask for help, or at least advice, or at least support
At the end of the day, we evolved to eat fruit and enjoy the sun. None of us are fully equipped for all the challenges of the modern world, but if we do our reasonable best, and look after each other (and that means that you too, dear reader, deserve looking after as well), we can all do ok.
❤️ OUR SPONSORS MAKE THIS PUBLICATION POSSIBLE
A very science-based all-natural nootropic supplement!
An important thing we want to mention immediately about Mindhoney is that it has a dozen very well-studied ingredients—there’s nothing speculative or “based on traditional use” here. For most of these ingredients, there are literally thousands of studies attesting to their benefits.
In fact, many of them are ingredients we’ve featured here before for their many benefits, and others were good reminders that we should be writing about them!
You may be wondering: “All-in-one, though? Isn’t it better to take them separately?” And… no, it is not. This isn’t an all-in-one shower gel we’re talking about here.
Simply put: these ingredients are synergistic and each work on connected systems in different ways, each helping the other to work better. So, by taking them together, you get a Gestalt effect—the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
Psst… 10almonds subscribers can use code “STACK15” to enjoy 15% off, and also free shipping! 🤫
Please do visit our sponsors—they help keep 10almonds free
🌏 AROUND THE WEB
What’s happening in the health world…
More to come tomorrow!
📖 ONE-MINUTE BOOK REVIEW
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself - by Melody Beattie
This is a book review, not a book summary, but first let's quickly cover a common misconception, because the word "codependent" gets misused a lot in popular parlance:
What codependence isn't: "we depend on each other and must do everything together"
What codependence is: "person 1 has a dependency on a substance (or perhaps a behavior, such as gambling); person 2 is trying to look after person 1, and so has developed a secondary relationship with the substance/behavior. Person 2 is now said to be codependent, because it becomes all-consuming for them too, even if they're not using the substance/behavior directly"
Funny how often it happens that the reality is more complex than the perception, isn't it?
Melody Beattie unravels all this for us. We get a compassionate and insightful look at how we can look after ourselves, while looking after another. Perhaps most importantly: how and where to draw a line of what we can and cannot do/change for them.
Because when we love someone, of course we want to fight their battles with them, if not for them. But if we want to be their rock of strength, we can't get lost in it too, and of course that hurts.
Beatty takes us through these ideas and more, for example:
How to examine our own feelings even when it's scary
How to practice self-love and regain self-worth, while still caring for them
How to stop being reactionary, step back, and act with purpose
If the book has any weak point, it's that it repeatedly recommends 12-step programs, when in reality that's just one option. But for those who wish to take another approach, this book does not require involvement in a 12-step program, so it's not a barrier to usefulness.
What did you think of today's newsletter?We always love to hear from you, whether you leave us a comment or even just a click in the poll if you're speeding by! |
Wishing you the best possible start to the week,
The 10almonds Team