A Sunday Stress-Buster

Plus: the keys to a fulfilling relationship, long-term

Author

The 10almonds Team
April 23, 2023

Loading Screen Tip: Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk, either.

⏰ IN A RUSH?

Today’s 30-Second Summary

If you don’t have time to read the whole email today, here are some key takeaways:

  • Binge-eating can become a disorder, but CBT, DBT, and other therapeutic approaches can be used to overcome it.

  • A little cortisol (the stress hormone) now and again can be helpful, but too much and/or too often can be very harmful to you and your body.

  • You can manage your stress by assorted means, including somatic self-therapy, CBT, DBT, and mindfulness (we talk about some methods in today’s main feature)

  • Depression can be an early warning sign of Parkinson’s Disease

  • “Happy wife; happy life”—which goes regardless of gender, of course—is true enough, and there are tools you can use to ensure your relationship grows from strength to strength over the years, without letting anything slip away.

Read on to learn about these things and more…

👀 WATCH AND LEARN

Dr. Tracey Marks: Binge-Eating Disorder Triggers & Treatments

Binge-eating disorder is defined by eating a large amount of food in a short period of time, such as over a couple of hours. This eating behavior has to occur at least once a week for period of three months. Also, while you’re eating, you must have at least three of these five things going on:

  1. You eat alone because you're ashamed of how much you're eating

  2. You feel disgusted, depressed or guilty afterwards

  3. You can eat much faster than normal

  4. You eat large amounts of food even though you're not hungry

  5. You feel uncomfortably full

Evidence-based treatments include:

  • cognitive behavior therapy

  • dialectical behavior therapy

  • interpersonal therapy

  • guided self-help

😎 MAIN FEATURE

Sunday Stress-Buster

First, an important distinction:

  • Acute stress (for example, when stepping out of your comfort zone, engaging in competition, or otherwise focusing on something that requires your full attention for best performance) is generally a good thing. It helps you do you your best. It’s sometimes been called “eustress”, “good stress”.

  • Chronic stress (for example, when snowed under at work and you do not love it, when dealing with a serious illness, and/or faced with financial problems) is unequivocally a bad thing. Our body is simply not made to handle that much cortisol (the stress hormone) all the time.

Know the dangers of too much cortisol

We covered this as a main feature last month: Lower Your Cortisol! (Here's Why & How)

…but it bears mentioning again and for those who’ve joined us since then:

A little spike of cortisol now and again can be helpful. Having it spiking all the time, or even a perpetual background low-to-moderate level, can be ruinous to the health in so many ways.

The good news is, the physiological impact of stress on the body (which ranges from face-and-stomach fat deposits, to rapid aging), can be reversed—even the biological aging!

Read: Biological age is increased by stress and restored upon recovery ← this study is so hot-of-the-press that it was published literally two days ago

Focus on what you can control

A lot of things that cause you stress may be outside of your control. Focus on what is within your control. Oftentimes, we are so preoccupied with the stress, that we employ coping strategies that don’t actually deal with the problem.

That’s a maladaptive response to an evolutionary quirk—our bodies haven’t caught up with modern life, and on an evolutionary scale, are still priming us to deal with sabre-toothed tigers, not financial disputes, for example.

But, how to deal with the body’s “wrong” response?

First, deal with the tiger. There isn’t one, but your body doesn’t know that. Do some vigorous exercise, or if that’s not your thing, tense up your muscles strongly for a few seconds and then relax them, doing each part of your body. This is called progressive relaxation, and how it works is basically tricking your body into thinking you successfully fled the tiger, or fought the tiger and won.

Next, examine what the actual problem is, that’s causing you stress. You’re probably heavily emotionally attached to the problem, or else it wouldn’t be stressing you. So, imagine what advice you would give to help a friend deal with the same problem, and then do that.

Better yet: enlist an actual friend (or partner, family member, etc) to help you. We are evolved to live in a community, engaged in mutual support. That’s how we do well; that’s how we thrive best.

By dealing with the problem—or sometimes even just having support and/or something like a plan—your stress will evaporate soon enough.

The power of “...and then what?”

Sometimes, things are entirely out of your control. Sometimes, bad things are entirely possible; perhaps even probable. Sometimes, they’re so bad, that it’s difficult to avoid stressing about the possible outcomes.

If something seems entirely out of your control and/or inevitable, ask yourself:

“...and then what?”

Writer’s storytime: when I was a teenager, sometimes I would go out without a coat, and my mother would ask, pointedly, “But what will you do if it rains?!”

I’d reply “I’ll get wet, of course”

This attitude can go just the same for much more serious outcomes, up to and including death.

So when you find yourself stressing about some possible bad outcome, ask yourself, “...and then what?”.

  • What if this is cancer? Well, it might be. And then what? You might seek cancer treatment.

  • What if I can’t get treatment, or it doesn’t work? Well, you might die. And then what?

In Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT), this is called “radical acceptance” and acknowledges bad possible/probable/known outcomes, allows one to explore the feelings, and come up with a plan for managing the situation, or even just coming to terms with the fact that sometimes, suffering is inevitable and is part of the human condition.

It’ll still be bad—but you won’t have added extra suffering in the form of stress.

Breathe.

Don’t underestimate the power of relaxed deep breathing to calm the rest of your body, including your brain.

Also: we’ve shared this before, a few months ago, but this 8 minute soundscape was developed by sound technicians working with a team of psychologists and neurologists. It’s been clinically tested, and found to have a much more relaxing effect (in objective measures of lowering heart rate and lowering cortisol levels, as well as in subjective self-reports) than merely “relaxing music”.

Try it and see for yourself:

🌎 AROUND THE WEB

What’s happening in the health world…

More to come tomorrow!

📖 ONE-MINUTE BOOK REVIEW

Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships - by Dr. Sue Johnson

A lot of relationship books are quite wishy-washy. This one isn't.

This one is evidenced-based (and heavily referenced!), and yet at the same time as being deeply rooted in science, it doesn't lose the human touch.

Dr. Johnson has spent her career as a clinical psychologist and researcher; she's the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which has demonstrated its effectiveness in over 35 years of peer-reviewed clinical research. In other words, it works.

EFT—and thus also this book—finds roots in Attachment Theory. As such, topics this book covers include:

  • Recognizing and recovering from attachment injury

  • How fights in a relationship come up, and how they can be avoided

  • How lot of times relationships end, it's not because of fights, but a loss of emotional connection

  • Building a lifetime of love instead, falling in love again each day

This book lays the groundwork for ensuring a strong, secure, ongoing emotional bond, of the kind that makes/keeps a relationship joyful and fulfilling.

Dr. Johnson has been recognized in her field with a Lifetime Achievement Award, and the Order of Canada.

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Wishing you a wonderful day and week ahead,

The 10almonds Team