Managing Sibling Relationships In Adult Life

Today’s almonds have been activated by:

⏰ IN A RUSH?

Today’s 30-Second Summary

If you don’t have time to read the whole email today, here are some key takeaways:

• Our metabolism slows as we age, but a lot of what we might chalk up to “just getting older” is actually a matter of lifestyle factors (that we can change!) adding up over time.

  • Today’s featured video looks at how to turn this around!

• Siblings can be a great source of mutual support in life, and/but sibling relationships can also become awkward, tense, or fraught, depending on many factors.

  • Today’s main feature looks at how to leverage the best of having siblings, while each remaining one’s own person.

• Hydration is a critical and often-neglected part of good health, and healthy habits are (by science!) best picked-up when they’re made more convenient and easy.

  • Today’s sponsor, Hint Water, are offering 10almonds subscribers 45% off and free shipping, on their already very reasonably-priced flavored waters and vitamin waters

    • They are, by the way, free from sugar and artificial sweeteners, so these are different from ones you’ve probably tried before

Read on to learn about these things and more…

👀 WATCH AND LEARN

How To Increase Metabolism At Any Age (6 Tips)

Our metabolism does slow down as we get older. But so much of the metabolic slowdown that we blame on age is actually due to lifestyle factors that we can change adding up:

Click Here If The Embedded Video Doesn’t Load Automatically!

🫂 MAIN FEATURE

Managing Sibling Relationships In Adult Life

After our previous main feature on estrangement, a subscriber wrote to say:

And, this is indeed critical for many of us, if we have siblings!

A foundation of support

Starting at the beginning of a sibling story... Sibling relationships are generally beneficial from the get-go.

This is for reasons of mutual support, and an "always there" social presence.

Of course, how positive this experience is may depend on there being a lack of parental favoritism. And certainly, sibling rivalries and conflict can occur at any age, but the stakes are usually lower, early in life.

Growing warmer or colder

Generally speaking, as people age, sibling relationships likely get warmer and less conflictual.

Why? Simply put, we mature and (hopefully!) get more emotionally stable as we go.

However, two things can throw a wrench into the works:

1. Long-term rivalries or jealousies (e.g., "who has done better in life")

2. Perceptions of unequal contribution to the family

These can take various forms, but for example if one sibling earns (or otherwise has) much more or much less than another, that can cause resentment on either or both sides:

• Resentment from the side of the sibling with less money: "I'd look after them if our situations were reversed; they can solve my problems easily; why do they resent that and/or ignore my plight?"

• Resentment from the side of the sibling with more money: "I shouldn't be having to look after my sibling at this age"

It's ugly and unpleasant. Same goes if the general job of caring for an elderly parent (or parents) falls mostly or entirely on one sibling. This can happen because of being geographically closer or having more time (well... having had more time. Now they don't, it's being used for care!).

It can also happen because of being female—daughters are more commonly expected to provide familial support than sons.

And of course, that only gets exacerbated as end-of-life decisions become relevant with regard to parents, and tough decisions may need to be made. And, that's before looking at conflicts around inheritance.

So, all that seems quite bleak, but it doesn't have to be like that.

Practical advice

As siblings age, working on communication about feelings is key to keeping siblings close and not devolving into conflict.

Those problems we talked about are far from unique to any set of siblings—they're just more visible when it's our own family, that's all.

So: nothing to be ashamed of, or feel bad about. Just, something to manage—together.

Figure out what everyone involved wants/needs, put them all on the table, and figure out how to:

• Make sure outright needs are met first

• Try to address wants next, where possible

Remember, that if you feel more is being asked of you than you can give (in terms of time, energy, money, whatever), then this discussion is a time to bring that up, and ask for support, e.g.:

"In order to be able to do that, I would need... [description of support]; can you help with that?"

(it might even sometimes be necessary to simply say “No, I can’t do that. Let’s look to see how else we can deal with this” and look for other solutions, brainstorming together)

Some back-and-forth open discussion and even negotiation might be necessary, but it's so much better than seething quietly from a distance.

The goal here is an outcome where everyone’s needs are met—thus leveraging the biggest strength of having siblings in the first place:

Mutual support, while still being one’s own person. Or, as this writer’s psychology professor friend put it:

Our previous main feature about good communication can help a lot:

Save Time With Better Communication

❤️ OUR SPONSORS MAKE THIS PUBLICATION POSSIBLE

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Please do visit our sponsors—they help keep 10almonds free

🌏 AROUND THE WEB

What’s happening in the health world…

• Eight habits for longevity: life-lengthening factors increase lifespan by 24 years

• Why researchers are looking at espresso as a way to fight Alzheimer's Disease

• Study on type 2 diabetes finds Intermittent Fasting beats cutting calories

• Maintaining relationships when loved ones have Alzheimer's

• How burgers and fries for lunch can worsen your asthma that afternoon

• Dealcoholized muscadine wine may improve skin elasticity

• Consuming strawberries may promote cognitive function and improve cardiovascular risk factors

More to come tomorrow!

📖 ONE-MINUTE BOOK REVIEW

Welcoming the Unwelcome: Wholehearted Living in a Brokenhearted World – by Pema Chödrön

There's a lot in life that we don't get to choose. Some things we have zero control over, like the weather. Others, we can only influence, like our health. Still yet others might give us an illusion of control, only to snatch it away, like a financial reversal or a bereavement.

How, then, to suffer those "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" and come through the other side with an even mind and a whole heart?

Author Pema Chödrön has a guidebook for us.

Quick note: this book does not require the reader to have any particular religious faith to enjoy its benefits, but the author is a nun. As such, the way she describes things is generally within the frame of her religion. So that's a thing to be aware of in case it might bother you. That said...

The largest part of her approach is one that psychology might describe as rational emotive behavioral therapy.

As such, we are encouraged to indeed "meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same", and more importantly, she lays out the tools for us to do so.

Does this mean not caring? No! Quite the opposite. It is expected, and even encouraged, that we might care very much. But: this book looks at how to care and remain compassionate, to others and to ourselves.

For Chödrön, welcoming the unwelcome is about de-toothing hardship by accepting it as a part of the complex tapestry of life, rather than something to be endured.

Bottom line: this book can greatly increase the reader's ability to "go placidly amid the noise and haste" and bring peace to an often hectic world—starting with our own.

Click here to check out Welcoming the Unwelcome, and learn what's practically a superpower in this sometimes crazy world.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday,

The 10almonds Team